


Little fall of rain, take the pain away

by queentheea



Series: My Bingo Card [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellarke Bingo, Canon Compliant, Clarke Griffin Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Clarke Griffin-centric, Drabble, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so sorry for the first half of this fic, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Setting: Arkadia, but also not really, the author doesn't like JRoth's treatment of his female characters and it shows, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 06:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20861405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queentheea/pseuds/queentheea
Summary: Part of her feels guilty that Bellamy has to see her this way after all he’s done to keep her safe, to protect her.He can’t protect Clarke from herself.Clarke never allows herself to act on her own happiness. Until one day, she does.Written for Bellarke BingoTropes used: Canon compliant, Setting: Arkadia, First kiss





	Little fall of rain, take the pain away

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah. So, I'm sorry about this one in advance. I just kind of got really fed up with Jason's treatment of his female characters, Clarke especially. I think she deserves to fall apart and feel her emotions and this just kind of fell onto the Google doc in a fit of frustration. It also probably didn't help that we were doing grief and sensitive topics in one of my writing intensive courses this week.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:  
If you are easily triggered by mentions of self-harm, depression or PTSD this fic isn't for you.

Drip.

One for the three hundred souls that were burned alive at the dropship. 

Drip.

One for the genocide at Mount Weather.

Drip.

One for the lives lost in the City of Light.

Drip

One for her father

Drip.

For Wells.

Drip.

Finn.

Drip.

Lexa.

It is there in the office that he finds her, with the blood rolling off her arms, down her thighs. For Bellamy, her actions are heartbreaking. For Clarke, her actions are her penance. This is what she deserves, for all the horror and destruction she has caused in this world. This is what she deserves, when so many innocent lives have been lost, yet here she stands.

Part of her feels guilty that Bellamy has to see her this way after all he’s done to keep her safe, to protect her. 

He can’t protect Clarke from herself. 

She chances a glance his way. His face contorts with a stream of emotions, but she can tell how truly heartbroken he is to see her this way. 

He doesn’t speak as he plucks the small blade from her bloody hand, wrestling a little to get it free from her grip. He doesn’t even speak as he ducks away briefly and returns to the small office with a damp rag and begins to wipe the blood from her wrists, her fingers, her bare thighs. 

Clarke allows him to lead her to the couch and pull her into him. She wants to feel guilty relishing in the comfort that his arms bring to her, but she can’t bring herself to do so. She wants to feel guilty for allowing him to write her name on that list just days before, but it’s Bellamy, and it’s his unwavering belief in her that makes her want to be the person that he sees. 

She wants to feel guilty for loving him. She knows that after everything he deserves better. There is a small part of Clarke that wants to be able to see herself the way he sees her. She vows to herself that one day, she’ll tell him. She’ll tell him everything.

Years later, she finally gets her chance.

After the world has ended twice more, after one hundred and twenty-five years of cryogenic-induced sleep, after she’s held a blade to her neck rather than her wrists, after she’s been body snatched and lost even more people that she loves. 

It’s once they’ve finally found peace in Sanctum and brought Octavia home safely that Raven of all people comes to her and tells her that Bellamy and Echo are no longer together. That they ended things right before he set off to save her. That Clarke is the reason they broke up.

Clarke can’t even pretend to feel guilty for causing a split between the two. After years of being forced to pay for her actions, she has finally come to peace with herself. Having Raven offer her this olive branch without even a hint of resentment proves that amends are possible for even the most shattered relationships. Clarke knows how close Raven and Echo are. Clarke is tired of bearing the weight of the universe alone. She’s tired of holding herself responsible for every bad thing that has ever happened to them.

They’ve finally found peace here and she isn’t willing to waste another second pretending that she doesn’t want him.

Clarke wastes no time hugging Raven before she finds Bellamy and pulls him away from his sister. The two are almost inseparable once more. It warms Clarke’s heart to see them together. She takes his hand and steals him away from prying eyes towards the fields. He gives her a questioning look. She knows she’s smiling wider than she has in years. Of course it’s because of Bellamy. After all these years they’re finally able to be at peace together. The six years in the valley were a blessing, but having everyone here with her felt like how she’d always hoped peace would feel. This is what she always wanted for Madi.

For once, Clarke doesn’t think about the repercussions of her actions. She doesn’t think about what the future will hold. She allows herself to live in this moment as she flings herself at Bellamy, taking his face in her hands and kissing him the way she’s wanted to for over one hundred and thirty years. She allows herself to be selfish. 

When he kisses her back and intertwines his fingers in her hair she can no longer register the rest of her surroundings because finally, finally, they get to live. 

Drip.

Bellamy continues to hold her close.

Drip.

She loves him.

Drip.

He loves her.

Drip.

Something wet lands on the bridge of her nose.

Drip.

They continue to kiss as the rain falls, soaking the soil and relieving Sanctum of its drought as the two binary suns are finally allowed to meet.


End file.
